


Dear Agony

by TheOrgasmicSeke



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Zombie Apocalypse, Depression, Humanstuck, Insanity, Light Angst, M/M, Memories, Native American Karkat, Survival, White boy John, i want them happy together, i want them to find love and peace together, it's not your typical sad zombie thing okay, lil bara kk, loooooooove little bara kk, not sure what else i can tag this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-14
Updated: 2015-04-14
Packaged: 2018-03-22 19:41:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,019
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3741217
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheOrgasmicSeke/pseuds/TheOrgasmicSeke
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He felt like he was spinning around and around in a world he could no longer control. Being forced to watch things that only made him miss the way it was. And then jade eyes came into his life and made him remember what reality really was. He couldn't let him go. He wouldn't let him go.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dear Agony

**Author's Note:**

> I have no excuse. This is a bit self indulgence cause I had a dream and it needed to be written and here we are.
> 
> Mood music [Here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pKGhAbgp9cg), [Here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KGrM1sh-8pE) and [Here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=flq30E6LI9E)
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> Happy 4/13 by the way!

_Crowded streets are cleared away; one by one_

_Hollow heroes separate as they run_

_You're so cold, keep your hand in mine_

_Wise men wonder while strong men die_

_Show me how it ends; it's alright_

_Show me how defenseless you really are_

_Satisfied and empty inside_

_Well that's alright, let's give this another try._

* * *

The air that blew in through the open window was cool with a hint of crisp leaves and something else John couldn't quite put his finger on. Maybe he didn't remember that scent or maybe he just didn't want to remember. The room was warm; too warm for his liking so the breeze from the window was nice. It made the grey curtains flicker every so often and John was reminded of the vision of a red cape far off in his mind. The curtains did not matter however. The breeze did. The fresh air helped clear his mind that was typically too foggy for his liking.

The view from the bay window on the second floor was not something John bothered to glance at. It was too broken and obscure. Too different than what he remembered so he saw no point in taking it in. But the breeze. The breeze reminded him of simple things. Of a fall evening spent in the backyard with his father when he was so young. Back when his father still had the time to spend with him. Back before that new job that seemingly ruined everything. But that new job did not matter. What mattered was the warm feeling John got from remembering those times spent in the fallen orange leaves with his father; full of laughter and love.

There was a soft groaning noise that caught John's attention. The bed he sat on was pristine and well made. A book sat at his side that he had tossed away so could enjoy the breeze floating in from the window on his left. The room would lead anyone to believe that nothing had changed and that was all that mattered to the raven haired youth. The groaning made him crinkle his nose and as he shifted to stand so he could close the window, there was a soft voice that caught his attention.

The sound of running foot steps sped past his open door and he caught the glimpse of a lanky raven haired boy with bucked teeth. He followed after the boy. Down the windy hallway and down the open stairs where the boy came to a stop at the bottom. John watched with a small sense of nostalgia as the boy jumped on the voluptuous blonde woman waiting by the front door. The boarded windows and darkened rooms disappeared to be replaced with open windows and warm light that made John's chest hurt.

"Where's Daddy?" The boy asked, his excitement clear as he bounced on his feet in front of the beautiful woman.

"He's working late, dear."

The disappointment was immediate and John's chest constricted as the boy's expression fell into something too dark for a boy his age. "He always works late."

The boy turned to walk away but the lovely blonde woman stopped him. She caught his shoulder gently and brought him close in a tight hug. "Your father loves you very much, John."

"But he's never here anymore!"

She pulled away to meet his face, her perfectly manicured hands holding his shoulder's as she smiled at him, her eyes bright with hope and love. "Please understand. He's doing his best."

There was a beat of a moment before the boy nodded and released a heavy sigh. He nearly collapsed into the woman's arms and allowed her to pull him into her chest. His hands settled on her stomach that was larger than normal and they shared a small knowing smile.

And then they were gone.

John blinked, the visions floating away to be left with a dark and dingy entryway that made his teeth ache. He continued down the stairs, his worn shoes following the familiar pathway until he entered the kitchen off to the right. The area was just as dark as the rest of the bottom floor, with boarded up windows and dust covering every open space. John moved to enter a different door only to pause when a soft voice caught his attention.

The boy was back. Only this time he was older. More familiar. Taller, still lanky and growing into those bucked-teeth. His hair was a mess as always as he settled on the island in the kitchen. There was a grin on his face as he reached for the blonde toddler making grabby hands at him from the floor. John stood to the side, watching with glazed blue eyes as the boy hugged the child in his arms and they giggled together. There was warmth there. Love. And it made John's chest constrict so painfully he had to suddenly gasp for breath.

The vision disappeared as soon as his head stopped spinning and he quickly turned away from the kitchen to pass through the door he had intended to. It brought him to a mud room that was probably the dirtiest room in the entire home. The door that lead outside was boarded up immensely but John didn't see the boards. He stepped forward and peered through the only slice of light coming from the boards. The backyard was at full view and everything else disappeared for the twenty-something.

The boy was back once again and he was not alone. He was surrounded by people. Lovely wonderful people. He looked more familiar. Like who John saw when he looked in the mirror but there was still something different and off about him. Something that John longed to know. Something that made John long to be that boy again.

The boy was grinning from ear to ear, his bright blue eyes sparkling with emotion as he spun his blonde little sister around, making her purple dress float through the air. His father stood off to the side along with the blonde woman from before. She wasn't his mother but she was the closed thing the boy ever had to one. The people standing around in the grass were all familiar to John. It was a party after all. A party for his birthday. He could remember that. He could see the balloons and the cake in the distance. He recognized Dave and Jade. His neighbors and everyone who had ever meant anything to him.

And then something shifted into his view, blocking them all away. There was a moment of panic and John immediately reached for the door handle that refused to move. He tugged the door twice before looking through the slot. Everything was gone; leaving the backyard empty with dead grass and an emptiness that left John's throat dry. His hand fell away from the door knob and he quickly turned away from the door to rub his hands over his face, pushing his black frame glasses out of the way.

The crash of broken glass made his head snap up and he hurried from the mud room to skid to a halt in the entryway. The boy sat on his knees, young once again, and carefully set to picking up the pieces of the broken glass he had dropped. His father stood over him with the blonde lady at his side. His father dropped to his knees as well and grabbed the boy's hands in his own, keeping him from cutting himself on one of the sharp pieces of glass. The blonde woman quickly ran off toward John, passing through him with a rush of cold air that made him shiver. She mumbled something about a broom when she passed but all John could focus on were the two in the middle of the floor. John shifted, moving to get a better angle with his back toward the stairs.

"John, please." His father spoke softly, in a voice that was more fragile than John could remember hearing. "Look at me." The boy brought his tear-filled eyes up and everything within his father shattered. "Don't..." He wrapped the boy up in his arms quickly, kneeling in the glass without a second thought. "Never forget that I love you. I will always love you the most, John."

"Then why?" The boy let out a chocked sob as he clung to his father, his grubby little hands clinging to the man's pristine white shirt.

"You always wanted a mother, didn't you?" He asked gently, his expression tender as he held his son. The boy gave one nod. "Now you get one. And a baby sibling along with it. I know you love Roxy, John. Please don't think I love you any less because we're becoming a family."

The blonde woman returned from the kitchen, moving with a quick pace and a broom in her hand. She paused beside the two males on the floor and seemed to consider leaving for a minute, as if she was interrupting a special moment. But she stayed. She dropped the broom and tucked her skirt under her knees as she knelt on the ground with them.

"I don't intend to take your father from you, John." She spoke gently, tenderly, and reached out to pat his back. "I would never."

The boy was silent a moment longer before he pulled away from his father's embrace to glanced between the two adults. "I.. I do like you, Roxy."

The smile that came to her face was stunning as she leaned closer to him. "Then, please, may I be apart of your family?"

The boy's blue eyes went wide. "You're asking me?"

"Of course."

The boy glanced between the adults and gave a nod. "I... I want us to be a family."

"Oh John! Thank you!" Tears of joy came from the woman's face and sh quickly gathered them both up in a tight hug that made the boy release a series of giggles.

The vision disappeared abruptly when an arrow whizzed past John's ear and stuck into the once beautiful marble floor. He stared at the unfamiliar arrow and quickly snapped his head around, his body going cold at the sight of a young man on his stairs. The man looked his age, with dark skin, dark hair and bright eyes. There was a curl of a snarl on the dark male's face with his vibrant jade colored eyes focused on John. He was dressed in dirty worn clothes and there was a crossbow in his hands, still raised and still pointed at John. John reeled. Something was wrong. This was different. He didn't know this man.

"Shit." The man cursed softly, lowering his crossbow only a bit and the look on his face softened just enough to make John take a step backwards. "Whoa, sorry. But you really shouldn't just space out in what looks like an abandoned house and think that no one's going to try and kill you thinking you're one of those fleshthirsty mosnters." His voice was deep and a bit soothing but so close to reality it made John's head spin.

John opened his mouth to respond but the sound that came out was harsh and wrong. He swallowed hard and coughed to clear his throat before he felt he could speak again. "Are... you real?"

The man blinked once before he lowered his crossbow completely and stood up straight, his expression softening just a bit more as he eyed the strange man he had happened to stumble upon. "Course I'm real. You living in a fucking fantasy?" The man let out a sigh and racked his hand through his messy, dirty dark hair as he clipped his crossbow to his side. "Look, this your place? Yeah sorry about just busting in like this but there's a motherfucking horde coming through and I didn't feel like sitting around outside like a fresh piece of meat, kay?" His voice was harsh but there was a hint of something in it that John couldn't exactly read. "There was a window open and I just climbed through. I'll leave once the horde passes, alright? Just let me chill for a while and then I'll be out of your hair."

John just stared at him, taking in his clothes and visible arsenal attached to different parts of his body. He looked like hell and had probably seen worse. He looked like he hadn't showered in months and the dark circles under his eyes meant he probably hadn't slept properly just as long. It was a reality John had not yet seen and it made his mind spin and his chest clench painfully. But when John didn't respond, only stared, the man grew aggravated and crossed his arms over his chest.

"Look, I'm alone, alight? Don't have to worry about some other people deciding to squat in your rather well defended fucking abode, understand? I just need someplace safe to stay for a bit till that horde decides it's ready to fucking move on. I won't bother you. Fuck I'll just sit here on the stairs, okay? For fucking  _christ_ , say something asshole." He demanded with a hiss and it was then that John noticed his hands were shaking.

"Stay." John managed to mumble. Something deep inside screamed at him to say more than that; do more. But he couldn't find a reason to.

The man eyed John like he had lost his fucking mind before giving a shrug. "If you so fucking insist. No need to shout it to the rooftops or anything." He made his way down the stairs without much effort. "Might want to shut those windows though. Those fuckers can smell you a mile away."

John eyed the grumpy looking male who was a good foot shorter than him but could definitely take John in a fight. "You... are alone?"

"Yeah." He rolled his shoulders as he stood near John, only a few feet away and glanced around the entryway though he never seemed to really take his eyes off John. "Easier that way, you know? People drag you down. Make you open and pathetic. Risky."

"And lonely." John pointed out.

The man caught John's gaze once again and tilted his head. "You alright? You look... off." John just stared at him. "Riiiiight." He rubbed a hand over the sheathed dagger at his side and glanced around once again. "I don't want to be more of an asshole than I already have been, breaking in and all even though the window  _was_ fucking open but," He paused and waved his hand as if to brush the whole thing away, "You wouldn't happen to have any food to share, would you? I know it's a lot to ask but fuck let me tell you, I ate my last can of tuna two days ago and I'm starving my ass off. I was scavenging when that fucking horde decided it wanted to show up and I barely got out of that place alive so I'm about ready to st- Where the fuck are you going?"

Halfway through the man's speech, John had turned away and started walking. Apparently that had not been the best idea. The man seemed even more grumpy now. John turned back, glancing over his shoulder to stare at him. "You asked for food."

"Well, yeah, I fucking did. Thanks captain obvious. Where the hell are you going?"

"To get the food?"

Dark eyebrows perked. "Why didn't you just say so, jeeze." He moved forward to follow John and they said nothing more. John led the man down a dark hallway and made two turns before coming upon a seemingly empty room. The man paused in the doorway, his eyes narrowed and suspicious as John knelt to grasp the latch in the corner of the room that lifted a hidden door. John let it flop open and stared up at the man expectantly. "Right." He entered slowly and kept his distance from John as he tried to peer down into the darkness. "Yeah see this is the part I fucking run for my life cause you're creepy as hell."

"The food is down there." John stated.

"Yeah, okay." He nodded and glanced around the room before grabbing the dagger from his side and held it tightly in his hand. "Let me tell you one thing here, I'm not going to take your shit. You want to eat me, fine. I'll just be on my merry way and you can eat the next poor pathetic idiot that decides to crawl through your window."

John looked genuinely startled by the others words and it made both of them pause. "Eat you? Why... Why would I do that?"

The man eyed John from head to toe before those beautiful eyes landed on his face and stayed there. His eyes were narrow and still suspicious but there was something about John's body language that made him relax. Though he didn't drop his dagger. "Alright. You go first then." He motioned to the opening with his dagger.

John nodded obediently and slid along the floor so he could use the ladder that led downwards. The man drew closer and watched as John climbed down until he disappeared into darkness. The man scowled and snatched up a flashlight from his belt and clicked it on, peering down into the hole. John stood at the bottom, a good twelve or so feet down and looked innocent enough. The man thought over his options before he gave up and stuffed the small flashlight in his mouth so he could descend that latter with the dagger still in hand.

The floor he landed on was dirt and the walls around him looked wrong. But he followed John down the unlit hallway with his flashlight and his eyes gauging the male he was following. They walked for close to five minutes before they came upon a metal door. John grasped the handle and opened it, leaving it for the man as he entered the dark room. The man stood in the doorway, his fingers tight around his dagger and his heart pounding, ready to fight if he needed to.

And then they were both blinded for a few seconds by the bright lights that suddenly flicked on. The man cursed and stumbled a few feet backwards as John closed his eyes so they could adjust to the lighting.

"What the fuck..." The man's voice was breathless as he took in what his eyes could finally see.

The lights were bright and the room John stood in was basic, with a white floor and white walls. But there were doors that led into other places. There were plates on each door that seemed to state what was within each room. A bathroom, a sleeping chamber, a food place, a lounging place and what looked like a medical room.

"What the fuck is this place?" The man demanded, walking into the center room and nearly jumped in the air when the door clicked shut behind him.

"A bunker." John explained as he moved toward the door that had a picture of a fork and knife on it. "Food is in here." He pushed open the door and entered first just as the man had asked.

The room was large and just as white as the other room. The walls were covered in shelves that held canned food and there was a door to the left that led to even more food. There was a gas stove and a little table that made the man's eyes widen.

"How... How does this place exist? Like, what is it running on?"

"The sun." John pointed upwards. "Solar generators. As long as I don't run this place everyday, it works just fine."

"Fuck." He sounded impressed as he tucked his dagger away, satisfied that the strange man he stumbled upon wasn't going to try and eat him. "You don't need to eat me. You've got enough... fuck you could live forever down here, huh?"

"Do... people really eat people?"

"Yeah. That's a thing. When's the last time you went outside? Not that I blame you." The man continued on without even pausing so john could answer his question as he walked up to one of the shelves to scan over it. "I sure wouldn't fucking leave if I had all this. Oh fuck you have real food. You know how long it's been since I've had beans? Ugh, it's sad how much I miss them. I've lived off of cat food and shit for awhile." He snatched up a can of beans and brought it close to read over it. "The thought of baked beans it making me drool, wow I am fucking pathetic."

"Never." John answered once the man had stopped talking.

That made the dark-skinned male pause. He glanced up from the can in his hand and narrowed his eyes at John. "Pardon?"

"I haven't been outside since..." John trailed off, not wishing to speak of the things that had happened.

"Seriously?" Dark brows perked before he let out a soft sigh. "Yeah, I guess I can see why. I sure wouldn't deal with that shit if I had all this. Why  _do_ you have all of this? Your parents super paranoid or something?"

"My father worked for the CDC. He saw this coming." John explained in a soft voice.

"He prepared, huh? Fuck. Smart man. Looks like paranoid really fucking paid off. You mind?" He motioned at the stove with the can in his hand.

John shook his head. "Eat."

John watched as the man managed to find a can opener in one of the drawers and opened the can while he set to work starting up the stove. It was an old thing bu ran on gas which John had plenty more of in the back. Once the stove was lit, the man poured the beans in a pot and set to work watching them and stirring them with a wooden spoon.

"Name's Karkat, by the way." The man spoke softly, glancing away from the pot to meet blank blue eyes. "You want half of this? If I eat all of it I'll make myself sick and I don't want to waste it."

"Okay. I'm John."

Karkat perked a brow at John and gave him another once over before he turned back to the stove. "Alright, John, tell me something. The fuck are you doing here all by yourself? Like I get being alone. It's easier. But you've got all this shit down here and you'll wondering around an abandoned house like a lost puppy. What's up with that?"

Karkat glanced over in time to see a strange broken expression cross John's face before it was wiped away. "I don't know." John answered honestly. "Just... didn't want to leave."

"Sorry." He mumbled an apology. "Speak before I think sometimes. Sensitive subject; The past, I know."

John tilted his head and let his eyes trail over Karkat's body. He was short but he was well-built and his nationality wasn't easy to pick out but he was definitely different. "Alone is a common thing these days."

"Yeah. People lose people and shit happens." Karkat focused on his spoon stirring the beans.

"How... long has it been?"

"Eight months, two weeks and six days." Karkat answered the question automatically like it was something that was always on his mind. And it was. The fall of humanity wasn't a thing someone forgot so easily. He glanced at John and let out a soft sigh. Though it seemed some people forgot. Yet he could tell there was something off with the guy. It was probably from being lock up in that house by himself for so long. The mind tended to wonder when left all on its own.

"Feels... longer."

"It'll always feel longer."

They settled in a comfortable silence after that. The beans finished warming up. John fished out two bowls for them and Karkat poured the beans equally for the both of them. They settled down at the small table and when John disappeared through the pantry door without a word, Karkat didn't bother to wait for him to return. He dug into his warm food and savored every bite. It had been so long since he had real, warm food and he wasn't going to let this pass without the proper enjoyment. John returned after a few spoonfuls with bottles of water. Karkat's eyes widened at the bottles in his hands but didn't even question it when John offered him one. He twisted off the top quickly and downed half the bottle like a dehydrated animal. Which he was, in fact. Fresh clean water was a rarity and he was going to savor that too.

John watched on with fascination as he ate his beans slowly, chewing and swallowing like it was an automatic respond. Don't eat, you'll die. Gotta eat so you won't die. John was pretty much running on autopilot and it was something Karkat could see. He'd seen enough devastation in his months of wondering to recognize a guy on the brink of losing his mind. Loneliness did strange things to a human being and isolation sure didn't help.

Once his bowl was empty and his water gone, Karkat leaned back in his chair to give John another once over. "Thanks. For this. You could have chased me out, you know."

John glanced up in slight surprise. "Why would I do that?"

"People are weird these days. Wouldn't believe half the shit I've seen. Saw two guys almost kill each other over a can of dog food." He shrugged, crossing his arms over his chest. "Brutal out there."

"I have ample supplies. Only seems like the right thing to do; to share."

Karkat perked a brow. "You know, some people would take advantage of that."

"Are you one of them?"

He shrugged. "You wouldn't know if I were."

"You're not." John spoke softly. "If you wanted, you could have killed me by now and taken everything you wanted. No one would know."

"I would know." Karkat hissed softly, his eyes narrowing dangerous.

"So are you going to then?"

"No."

John nodded. "There's a shower if you want one."

Jade eyes glistened with something that made John's chest constrict. "Seriously? You're a fucking saint."

"There's a filtering system so the water comes right back around. No waste."

Karkat's eyes rolled back in his head as he slunk in his chair. "Saint. John, you're a fucking angel. Can I?"

John's lips twitched as he stood to his feet. "Come on."

Karkat got to his feet quickly and followed the pale youth out of the kitchen and across the hall to the door that had a toilet on it. Inside was just as white as the other rooms and looked like a high school locker room more than a bathroom. But it was so clean and the idea of fresh warm water made Karkat's stomach flutter.

"You can take your time." John moved toward one of the closets in the room and tugged out two fluffy white towels for Karkat. "The water heater is solar as well. I don't use it often so it should be built up for awhile."

"Angel." Karkat repeated as he took the towels from John and marched off toward the shower stalls. He pulled open the glass door of the stall that was already packed with everything he'd need and tossed the towels down on a bench opposite the showers. He set to work removing the weapons covering his body. His crossbow, the dagger, a gun settled in the back of his pants, another dagger in his boot, a strange sickle looking thing from under his shirt and another pistol from under there was well. He placed all those things on the bench and started to tug off his jacket before he realized John was still watching him. "You just gonna watch or something?"

John paused and glanced around the room. "I... Don't have anything else to do. I... Haven't interacted with someone else in... a very long time."

"I'll entertain you to your hearts content." Karkat spoke softly as he tugged off his jacket and then pulled the dark long sleeves shirt off over his head. "But let me shower first."

"Okay." John nodded but still didn't move.

"Privacy? It's a thing, John." Karkat explained, turning toward the other with his hands on his hips. His skin looked even darker in the white room and there were a few scars that had to have been brutal wounds covering his bare chest. But he was well-built.

John shifted from foot to foot. "I could... get you clean clothes?"

"Yeah, That's be pretty great actually." Karkat kicked the bench gently with the tip of his boot. "No need to get all nice and squeaky clean just to change back into those dirty fuckers."

John nodded obediently. "I'll be back."

"Don't keep me waiting, angel." Karkat smirked softly at the nickname before moving to undo his pants.

John didn't wait to watch Karkat finish undressing. He left the male alone in the bathroom and wandered down the white hallway toward the room that stored clothing. Most of it was his and his families but he was sure he could find something that would fit Karkat well enough. The man was a bit short but he managed to find a pair of dark pants that belonged to his step-mother. His father was a broad man like Karkat, so he grabbed one of his rare light colored t-shirts as well. Their waists were not the same size but John grabbed a pair of his boxers anyway along with clean socks and black sneakers that might fit him.

By the time John returned to the bathroom, Karkat was still in the shower. So he shuffled over to the bench quietly and set out the folded clean clothes for him. And then he stood there awkwardly for another minute or two, listening to the water flow as Karkat showered before deciding to sit down on the bench. He eyed the weapons Karkat carried on him and felt a warm bubble in his chest at them. Karkat had left them on the bench. Karkat had left himself vulnerable. That meant the man trusted him. John's chest constricted at that and he had a sudden thought.

He didn't want Karkat to leave.

By the time the shower came to a stop, John was starting to panic. Karkat pushed open the shower door and flinched when he saw John sitting there. "Fuck, I didn't even hear you." He didn't bother to hid his naked body from the other male as he snatched up a towel and started to dry himself off. "Thanks. For the shower, for the clothes." He peered at the clean pile. "Fucking blessing you are."

"Karkat."

He glanced up at John's strange tone and perked a brow at the look of panic that crossed pale features. "What? What happened?"

John shook his head and quickly pushed his panic down the best he could. Calm. He had to be calm. He couldn't fix this if he wasn't calm. "I... How long are you staying?"

There was a strange look that crossed Karkat's face before he turned his head away and covered his face by a towel to fluff it through his hair. "When the horde's gone. I'll be out of your hair in like an hour or so. No fucking worries."

"But..." John chewed on his lower lip and rubbed his arms in a nervous manner that Karkat caught onto as he peeked through the towel.

Slowly, Karkat dropped the towel from his head and narrowed his eyes at John. "But what?"

"I... I don't want you to leave."

Well, at least the guy was honest about it. Karkat let out a puff of air that vaguely sounded like a laugh. "No shit." He tossed his wet towel on the bench and picked up the green boxers that were probably a little too tight. "I'll be upfront and honest, John. I don't exactly want to leave either." He slipped on the boxers that fit better than they looked and didn't point out the fact that he had noticed John staring at his junk with the faintest of blushes on his pale cheeks. "Why the fuck  _would_ I want to leave? You've got food. Shelter.  _Water_. It's a hell of a lot better than wandering around out in that chaos and not even knowing if I'm going to wake up the next day, if I even manage to sleep." He spoke matter-of-factually as he tugged the shirt on over his head. It hugged his shoulders a little too tight but he wasn't going to complain. The pants fit better than expected and he said nothing over the fact that they were obviously better fit for a woman. He sat down on the bench beside John so he could tug on the white socks and flashed the other a smirk. "If you're not so keen on me leaving then why the fuck should I? You're not entirely sane and I'll be sleeping with a knife under my pillow indefinitely cause I'm not exactly sane either, but why the fuck not. You want me to stay. I'll stay."

John searched beautiful jade eyes for a minute before his lips twitched and curled upwards in a small smile. It felt strange and different and when he glanced at his reflection in one of the mirrors around the bathroom, he recognized the man sitting beside Karkat. That was the man he continued to see in his visions. Not the John he always recently saw in the mirror but it was a start and made his heart thump with warmth.

"Please stay." John spoke softly, the smile feeling strange on his lips.

"No need to beg." Karkat chuckled softly, huskily and patted John's shoulder before he moved to his feet again. He had managed to shove his feet into the black sneakers and only attached his dagger to his belt; just in case he told himself. He'd spent too much time outside to not be defenseless. But John was warm and human and probably a little more insane than Karkat but he was still an innocent little thing that Karkat had yet to see as a threat yet he wasn't going to just throw all his trust in John. There were steps. Karkat bundled up the rest of his weapons with his dirty clothes and tucked them against his chest before clipping his crossbow to his belt so it was easier to carry. "Alright. Where should I set up home?"

John stayed put and just stared up at Karkat until the dark-skinned male perked a brow in question. "You're... really staying?"

"Yeah? Why wouldn't I? Come on." Karkat shifted on his feet and held his hand out to John.

John eyed that clean dark hand that had broken nails and callouses before slipping his larger, paler hand into it. Karkat gripped his hand tightly as John moved to his feet and when John stumbled into him, Karkat stood strong and let the other lean on him for just a few seconds. "Okay." John mumbled softly, that smile still on his lips.

Karkat crinkled his nose as he rolled his eyes and turned to drag the other out of the bathroom. "You sleep upstairs, right? To save this shit down here? Alright cool. I'll sleep with you. But we close the window. Don't need someone other crazy asshole climbing in through your window."

There was a bubble of laughter that squeezed its way past John's throat and he nodded in agreement, unable to speak against the sudden burning of tears in his eyes. Karkat didn't seem to notice them, or didn't see the need to point them out, as the two left behind the bunker to make home in the small room John had called his own for so very long.

**Author's Note:**

> Wow. Yeah. That just happened. I always wanted to write John not being John. A John who loses himself because of tragedy and slowly finds a way back to himself. With Karkat's help. And thus we have this. I might expand into this AU, I may not. I wouldn't mind seeing Karkat help John remember how good it feels to be with another person. You know, all that good sexy smut stuff. Top KK and whatnot. Who knows. Maybe I will if you guys like this enough. 
> 
> So be sure to let me know what you thought please! Kudos and comments are always appreciated!
> 
> Thanks for reading!!! 
> 
> ~Addy~


End file.
